What may appear to be an arrow or a sword we can actually experience as a flower…
It depends on our relationship with ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron
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All of us have experienced those moments when something or someone has shattered us, left us gasping for air, triggered shame, or made us feel violated and angry. We feel wounded as if someone had thrown an arrow or sword in our direction.
Pema Chodron asks us to reflect on our reactions when unbearable or unacceptable situations present themselves. Does the situation make us stop, think, and gain wisdom? Or do we lash out towards others or ourselves in an unhelpful manner?
We feel the sword. But can we turn it into a flower for possibilities? Building on Buddhist teachings, Chodron believes we can. Consider:
- Following a mass shooting in our country, a victim’s family member said she was looking to turn the unspeakable tragedy into an opportunity for good.
- The SWORD: A mass shooting leaves death and destruction.
- The FLOWER of possibilities: Create a movement for good, awareness, and change.
- When our canine companion Roxie made her transition to the Rainbow Bridge, I was devastated. When that day came, and Laurie and I sat on the floor in the veterinarian’s examining room with Roxie, my emotions exploded.
- SWORD: I kept holding on to what I had lost. Nothing would bring her back. Ever. I continued in the memory loop that brought more tears and a feeling of hopelessness and aimlessness. I was not much company for myself or anyone else.
- FLOWER: Roxie was now at peace and we had time to take a breath. We could focus fully on our health and well-being. I also reached out to one of the pet therapy programs Roxie and I served. I will be helping facilitate that program. Sure, Roxie is still dead. The situation is the same, but my perception changed. Light entered the dark room of my mind. Instead of a sword, I held a flower.
- At the end of 2021 I “finished” my first novel manuscript. All of my previous books had been non-fiction, so this project stretched me. Still, 90,000 words later I had “finished” writing and started querying agents. I made sixty-five queries and received sixty-five rejections.
- SWORD. I blamed, shamed, castigated, and berated the process as well as myself. I hung out with “what-did-you-expect-you’re-not-a-novelist” and mentally pummeled myself. I threw the manuscript into the metaphorical drawer and slammed it shut.
- FLOWER. I read a “how-to” book by one of my favorite novelists. I followed that with an online course (with another accomplished novelist) on writing fiction, which led me to pull my manuscript from the drawer. I saw that my “finished” manuscript had been anything but. I labored through a major rewrite. The new version is now being reviewed. I will then continue the editing process. The odds remain minimal that I will find an agent, but my approach is healthier and the product is more polished.
I could have continued throwing myself on the metaphorical sword—and the manuscript would never have seen the light of day. Now, at least, I have a chance of landing an agent.
Think about your situation. Perhaps someone has lied about what you stand for. That hurts. A lot. You can escalate the stakes and engage in a sword fight. Or find the lesson (the flower) that will allow you to further exemplify who you are positively, forthrightly, and ethically. Tough? Yes. Wiser? Probably so.
The sword or the flower. The choice may be difficult or seem impossible. Yet, that choice belongs to us.
The sword or the flower.
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You will find more about me and my books (and more) at www.stevepiscitelli.com.
The Growth and Resilience Network® 2023
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I invested 33-fulfilling years of my life as a classroom teacher. Starting with 7th-grade students and ending with college students. Along the way, I have written thirteen (published) books, written and recorded two music CDs, have written an upbeat blog since May of 2010, produced a monthly podcast channel (for five years), and created original videos for my YouTube channel (for more than a decade). I have had the pleasure and honor to deliver keynote talks and workshop facilitations in every region of the United States. I recently completed the manuscript for my first novel and am currently seeking representation for that work.
One of my community service activities sees me working with the Baptist Medical Center Beaches Pet Therapy Program. This worthwhile service brings smiles and comfort to staff, patients, and family members.
Why do I do what I do? Conversation (true dialogue) has become a lost art. Collective monologues have taken center stage. Authentic questions about the person in front of us have given way to either diatribes or inarticulate silence. I believe to build community we must have meaningful, at times difficult, and yet respectful conversations about people, places, and purpose. Before we can do that, we must see the person in front of us.
